Comedic Wedding Vow


03/11/2011

Comedic Wedding Vow
 

Grooms vow

Whoever said the internet is a terrible place, that's where I met my one true love in a local chat room on AOL in 1996

That's when the internet was young and every email you received really did come from someone you knew and spam was still just canned meat

Still it's not what you think I never intended to date Cheryl I had accepted that online dating was not a good idea. How can you trust those chat room girls, they lie about everything.

I was on the internet looking for a bassist for my fledgling band. Out of nowhere a text appeared on the screen from someone named 'oliveoil3' saying "my brother plays bass".

I kept wondering what she looked like and who would name herself oliveoil3, either she really loved Popeye, is very skinny and works for the library OR is an olive skinned Latina with 3 fingers

Then one day she told me she had a bird named poncho. That's it I thought, she is definitely an anorexic mocha skinned librarian hoochie from Puerto Rico

Boy was I in for a big surprise; the first time I saw her walking out her door I thought that's definitely no hoochie

I remember wearing that day a very tacky outfit that was uncoordinated; bad move number 1.

That night we were supposed to grab dinner but we chatted and chatted until we realised it was late and all the nice restaurants were closed - except for Carl Juniors: bad move no. 2

We hung out as friends never really sure what to make of our relationship yet part of me liked every inch of her. Somehow that friendship devolved into a romantic fling, I still remember a line I used "did it hurt?"

Did what hurt? She said

"when you fell out of heaven" I said. Bad move number 3

Then there was the night I made my first move, I was sick and I told her the only way I would feel better was if she gave me a kiss: Bad move no 4. I leaned over and kissed her and she smiled the whole time.

I thought that's it I have really botched this one: bad move no 5.

Yet for reasons unknown to me this girl stayed with me, one bad move after another. But I am glad that she did because she has become my everything and I could not be without her.

They say the best romances are born form great friendships, to that I can attest. Cheryl is not only my partner, but best friend, confidant, critique and always fashion police.

She can be such a weirdo sometimes, but that just makes me love her more, obnoxious pet bird and all.

Life is going to be full of ups and downs but I am just glad Cheryl is going to be with me on this journey and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together and can't wait to grow old with her, my friend, my soul mate my wife...


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